My Birthday (Staring KAALU)

My Birthday

Staring:
HERO: Kaalu as Himself

Also Starring:
Varun Nanda as Nanda
Jassi as Himself (sometimes Jazz)
Ponda as Himself

Guest Appearances by Karan Monga as Karan and Harsh Mann as Mann


5th August 2010
11:59 P.M.
Tringgggg….. Tringgg….
Trinnnggggg… Triiinnngggg…
I pick up the call feeling happy, Nanda Calling.

“Nandeeee,,,, ki haaaaaalllll…..” I Bark into the phone.
“HAPPPYYYYYY BIIIRRRTTTHHHDDAAAYYYYYY VEERRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE” comes the reply.
6th August 2010. I turned 25. I preferred to be called Silver that day but I had come to realize one thing, That I had completed half my life (with my (our) current lifestyle, I (we) don’t expect to last beyond 50). It was a stupid thing to feel happy about. Call me negative, but that’s what happened.
“Thanks bro, love u yaarrr”, I spoke into the phone again.
“Horrrrrrrr sunaaaaa”, asked nanda. “Party kithe hai?? Kinne daroo pee lee tu???”
“No party dude, no one in chandi, all alone here. Noone to celebrate wid”, I replied back.
This was true. I was in Chandigarh for a 10 day break from work and it just so happened that the 10 days I had got my vacation, included my birthday weekend. Damn.
“Aloneeeeee? Kyon yaar.. kya ho gya?” asked nanda.
“nothing mate, no friends, this is gonna be a family birthday”, I replied.
Nanda Laughed.
Even I laughed.
Since the time we have been together as friends – there has been no such thing as a FAMILY BIRTHDAY. The term does not exist in our dictionary – It had just been invented.
Our Birthday parties have always been celebrated amongst friends and celebrated as the most awesome and memorable parties ever. By parties I mean – one party for the Girls (nanda specially), one party wid some office friends (nanda again) and ofcourse our very OWN PARTY AT KAIMBHWALA – The most awesome of them all. All our parties are over da top with everyone getting drunk and having a roaring time.
This time, with none to celebrate – it was gonna be a family birthday.
“MAUJAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN” replied nanda, still laughing.
“Ya mate, I know. What should I do, hor suna. When u coming for Ponda’s wedding???”, I asked.
“Bas ji, 19 di tickets booked ne. Aa k gaahhhhhh pa dena appan. Majeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee”. Replied nanda in his fully nanda fashion.
“good yaar.. gonna be super cool. Ponde da vyaahhh”, I said.
Our good friend ponda had apparently decided to get married.
One fine day, out of the blue I get a call from Ponda saying that he had some good news. I was expecting that he must have changed his job and was going to chandi, but the news was even more ‘surprising’. “meri engagement ho gaye” , he said over da phone. I was silent for a moment, didn’t know how to react to it, how to respond to it, WHAT TO DO at that moment. I remember not believing a word of what he had said and asking him to shove something up his ass for this stupid prank, but apparently the news was true – Ponda was getting married to a girl he was in a relation for more than 4 years without letting me know. (Me and Karan I presume, EVERYONE ELSE KNEW ABOUT THIS RELATION AND NANDA , MANN and KAALU had even met the girl before… GRRRRRR>>>>>>). Everything aside, Ponda was getting married on 19-20 sept. karan and nanda had already preponed their tickets and Rumor that Mann would come with a guest appearance. It is gonna be awesome. WE’re SOOOO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS GRAND WEDDING OF 2010.
“aho”, said nanda. “Chalo ji, mein khan lagiya roti hun, tusi karo maujann”.
“Ok bro. Thanx so much. Love ya. Tc. Bye Se ya realllllyyy soon”, I replied.
“Bbye”, said nanda and the line went dead as I went to a waiting call from one of my other friends.
I must have attended about 7-8 phone calls (one from DUGGAL TOO.. yes our very own boy in dehradoon Mr. Atul Duggal (MBA).). The phone rang again. This time it was Ponda.
“Hello”.
“Balli veereeeeeeeeee. Janamdin diyan lakh lakh mubarkannnnn”, replied ponda.
“thank you ponde.. thanku thanku thanku thanku thankuuuu…”, I spoke into da phone. “Ki haal chaal”.
“Bas ji vadiya, tusi daso, kad aana delhi???” asked ponda.
“Bas yaar.. aa gya mein... sat nu aavanga tere kol, appan solid party karni.. solid ash. No one is in Chandigarh so I am totally saving myself for a party in delhi with you”. I said.
“WAAHHHHHH, aaja veere.. koi tension he nai. Come and stay wid me, ash karangay. Daroo peeni poori poori”, spoke ponda.
“Ya man. Poori ash” I replied back. We made plans for the sat night as to how i will reach his place and what daroo to drink.
“chalo ji fer, karo tusi ash, appan milde han delhi vich hun. Take care, bbye. Love you”, Said ponda.
“Bye dude. See ya soon. I will call u when I reach delhi. Have fun”, I spoke putting the phone down.
I attended some more calls after that and went to sleep at about 4 a.m.

6th August 2010.
8:00 a.m.
“ARE YOU STILL IN BED???”, Mom shouted.
I could hear her coming up the stairs.
I ran into the bathroom.
“No mom, I;m in the shower, be ready in 10 minutes”.
I heard the steps going down the stairs, obviously my reply had been convincing. I had planned to donate blood on my birthday. hahahahaha.... yes yes yes... its true.... thought i would do some good to the society... but i don;t know what good MY BLOOD would do to the person who actually recieves it. I had to go to the PGI Blood Bank.. I had been sick for sometime in the past with high fever, and we had to get the blood tested as well before the donation. I had to reach there at 9. It was 8:25 already. I was LATE. I got into the shower real quick.
Triiinnnnnnngggg… Triiinnnngggggg…
Triiinnnnnnngggg… Triiinnnngggggg…

Archimedes Principle states that : The weight of the displaced fluid is directly proportional to the volume of the displaced fluid (if the surrounding fluid is of uniform density). In simple terms, the principle states that the buoyant force on an object is going to be equal to the weight of the fluid displaced by the object, or the density of the fluid multiplied by the submerged volume. (WIKIPEDIA (“_))
The new Archimedes principle states that : When u r getting late – YOUR PHONE WILL RING.

Karan calling.
“Dude, wassup”, I spoke picking up the phone.
“Hey dude. Happy Birthday”, he replied.
“Thanx man, Thanx a lot. I’m sorry but I can’t talk now, I have to go to da hospital for blood check up, and I am running late. I’ll have to catch you later”, I spoke on da phone.
“Kya ho gya tujhe dude. You’re ok na? Apna Dhyan rakha kar yaar.” Said karan out of concern. “tu ja abhi, we’ll talk later”.
And the line went dead.
(See, I told u karan had a guest apperance).

The day was kind of hectic. Going to hospital, meeting family. By afternoon I was tired, sleep deprived and hungry. I realized that I had not had breakfast. I decided to go to Sher - e - punjab for some keema naan. I parked in sec 35. and as soon as i got out of my car, my phone rang again....

Jassi... urf Jazz calling..

"Jazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... wassupppppppppp", i said picking up da phone.
"Vadiyaaaaaaaaaa veereeeeeeeee... happy vaala birthday hai ji...." he said.
"thanku jaan.. thanku thanku very much.... ki haal teraa? kithe hain.. ki karda?" i asked.
"kuch nai yaar, jobte ja reha haan... hor das .. tu kithe hain.? kinni daroo pee lee? kithe ja reha hain aj?" he said.
"no daroo yet dude.. and no daroo in the evening also.. noone to celebrate wid.. last time u guys were here... this time NOONE is here", i said.
The last birthday was awesome. We had an awesome time. I;m not gonna mention anything about it here.. coz those who were there had a sexy time.. and those who weren;t there - SIMPLY MISSED IT...
Jassi and me remembered some good old memories of the last birthday.
"oye.. tu aa reha hain for ponda;s wedding???", i asked him finally.
"nai BUGGAY.. aa ne hona. paper ne.. and mera interview v hai for VISA extension. i don't think i will be able to come", he said.
"Dekh lae yaar.. its gonna be super.. ponda's marriage. everyone is coming.. mann may also come.. u;'ll be the only one not here.. kar koshish yaar.." i said trying to give him some PUMP.
"Dekhda haan yaar.. par ho nai paana BUGGAY.." he said sounding defeated (or lazy). "Chal tu kar ash. mein kamm ja reha haan.. karde haan baad'ch gal.. ok.. tata .. bbye.. love you".
We said our byes.
the day went by smoothly. i came home.. slept a little.. got some more calls.. made the weekend plans for delhi.


8 P.M.
Dinner with family.
10 P.M.
Home.
11 P.M.
Packed my bags coz tomorrow i will leave for delhi.

11:30 PM.
Went online.. logged into FB.. loads of birthday wishes there too... Found the one i was looking for.. HARSH MANN.. "happy birthday vai... got some pics from last year... hope u like it... cheers.. have a good day..." This was his entry... (his guest apperance)..made me smile. Thanks Bro.
11:59 P.M.
1 minute to go for the birthday to finish. Thanks to the 5 of you(nanda, ponda, karan, jazz, and mann) for your calls and FB messages.. You really really made my day.
12:00 A.M.
Feeling sad for one of the lonliest and the most SOBER birthdays ever.



You remember in the starting i mentioned the star cast of this blog. and i said Starring HERO : KAALU as Himself. Well, here is the thing about him staring in the blog.
HE FORGOT MY BIRTHDAY. YES... ITS TRUE... I only thanked 5 of you and not 6 of you coz kaalu wasn;t there...

Kaalu, u motherfucker. Where the HELL are YOU. of all the blogs i have written about you. of all the time we have spent in chd. of all the things we did together. all the parties. all the fun.. where the hell were you on my birthday.. u were the only one i could not meet who i wanted to meet on my chd visit. HERE IS ME TAKING BACK MY REVENGE for no calls, no meetings, no daroo sessions together, for too much travelling - ur in Delhi one day, in chd the next in dehradoon the thirs, manali the fourth.. NOMAD WANDRER... WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU???