AWARD WINNING RAPE SCENE

check out this video.... i came across on youtube,,.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G3o0z2tw8VY&feature=related

ha ha ha... read the subtitles.... (BESUTY BEAUTY BEAUTY)

Saada pyaara jazz veera...............

Ah gal hai ji ik sham di ghare baithey baithey yaad aayi Jazz Parker ji di (jo ki pichley ikk haftey toh mera phone vi nahi chuk rahe c), te naal di naal  mainu hui ik shayarana aamad  jo kuch iss tarah hai :-







Arz kiya hai.........

mere pyare, raj dulare, aankho ke taare jazz parker,

mein laga deni srahane teri b@#d phad kar,

kabhi kabhi yaad karo hume bhi agar time mile burger bana kar,

kyun nahi raazi tum humara phone uthakar,

toh issi baat pe call karo hume do din ke andar andar,

nahi toh,

mein laga deni srahane teri b@#d phad kar,

b@#d phad kar

b@#d phad kar...

aadab aarsey ................ aadab aarsey.....
shukriya

In loving memory of Kaalu's Birthday.

In loving memory of Kaalu's Birthday.

10th May 2010.

As far as I remember kaalu's birthday was never in MAY. Never. At least not till last year. Only Jassi had his birthday in May.

So this year, when I saw “Sanjay Chauhan's Birthday 10th May” as an update on my Facebook, I was surprised. Infact, I thought it was a joke by kaalu. Another one of his Pjs. And I let it be like that.

9th May, 11:50 P.M.

I log on to Facebook. The update “Sanjay Chauhan's Birthday Tomorrow” comes up on the right hand corner of my screen.
I wonder if his birthday is Actually on 10th and I should probably give him a call in about 10-15 minutes.

BLIMP....... screams my Gtalk with a new message.

“veereeee.. ki haal chaaaaaal”, says Varun Nanda 'LIFE IS GOOD SO AM I'. (“_)
“vadiya jaan, ki haal tera???”, I reply back. “ki karda tu???”
“baaaassssssssss maujjjaaaaaannnnnnn”, he replies. Good old Nanda.

“hor das, ki banda???”, I wrote.
“vadiya, hune he online aaya haan, tu das, tu kithe hain?”, came the reply.
“I'm in hyd yaar, still stuck here. Looking for a new job. Sending out resumes everywhere”, I wrote.
“Madraaaasssssiiii JATT”, he replied.
“ha ha ha ha ha ha”, I wrote.
I could see no humour in it and hassi v nai aaye at this joke, but still I said ha ha ha. (things I do these days to keep people happy).

“sooo, aj jaRRi (jassi) da birthday hai. Gal hoye teri usde naal???” I asked nanda.
“haan yaar.. ho gaye c, tight baetha c poora, totally talli. Ha ha ha.” he answered.
“ha ha ha ha ha”, I said. This time it was funny. Imagining someone of us drunk is always fun. If u have been to one of our parties u would know how we all act after a few drinks down. Brings back memories. I had a flashback of jassi being tight and saying 'Kya chahiyeeeeeeee??'. Ha ha ha.

“good good.” I wrote.
“vaise kal kaalu da v birthday hai.”, nanda wrote again.
Wait a second. Kaalu actually has his birthday on 10th may. Nanda saying this was actually confirming it..

“yaar, sachi kaalu da birthday hai? I mean till last year kaalu was born in december/november I suppose but not in May. May vich taan sirf jaRRi da birthday hunda c. where has kaalu come from? Achanak he, mera birthday hai on 10th May, wish me. Na hum kya khote hain???”, I wrote expressing my feelings to Nanda.
“sai gal hai”, nanda said.

It was already 12:15. I was tempted to call kaalu. But I thought k if it is actually his birthday then he must be having some 'Special Clicks, I mean CALLS' from, well... ….. .. .. . . And I do not understand this madness of calling people at 12 in the night to be the FIRST ONE TO WISH them a happy birthday. Ok, u can be second too. Chillllll.....!!!!! That deosn;t make u any less special to the person whom u r calling. And when u call them, their phone is always busy with other calls or when u r talking to them, someone come in between. Whatever.
I have a new rule for that. I call people at 1. this way, all their calls are almost over, and they have some time to talk to u as well. Instead of the 15 second conversation, u have at least some time to talk. It works out better.
So I decided to call kaalu at 1.

The conversation between me and nanda drifted away and eventually nanda signed out and I started watching 'Kaminey' on my lappi. AweFUM movie. Shahid kapoor in one of his better roles, kicks ass. The whole plot revolves around a guitar case full of drugs, shahid kapoor trying to achieve his dreams, the pregnant priyanka chopra and ofcourse our beloved indian politicians. JAI MAHARASHTRA. It was exciting. And ofcourse the title of 'kaminey' makes it even more watchable.

The movie got over, I was tired and sleepy. I went to bed. It was 3:00 A.M.
3 AM???? shittttttt.. I forgot to call kaalu... shit shit shit.. he must be sleeping by now. Should I send a message??? or should I call him.. DILEMA.. shit.
My 1 o clock rule had failed. What use is it if u can;t wish the person at night. Shitttt.... fudu rule.. from now on I will call everyone who has their birthday at 11:55 pm. instead of 1 am. How can I be so careless. Shit..

I want to bed with a heavy head. I dreamt of Kaalu chasing me with a knife and running with horses, like in kaminey.

I woke up. Went to office. Checked my mail, did some work. Whatever.
At 11 I was finally free for 10-15 minutes and I decided to call up kaalu.

Tring.... tring...
tringg.... tring....

“hello”, someone answered.
“hello kaalu?”, I said. “happy birthday meri jaaaaannnnn, ki haal tera... ki kar reha hain???”
“thank u veere.”kaalu replied back. “bas kuch v nai, ghare baetha haan. Tyaar ho k. dostaan nu phone kar reha haan k KOI TAAN AA JAO.”
“ha ha ha”, I laughed. “eneee maade din aa gaye tere kaalu?”
“haan yaar. Alone in chandigarh. Tum mein se to koi hai nai, ki karna hun mein ethey kalle”, he said.

Yes,. Kaalu alone in chandigarh. None of us there. And that also on his birthday.

“koi na kaalu, koi taan aa he jaooga” I said trying to cheer him up. “ tu HIMANI ja yaar. Hune ja. Svere he shuru kar de....”
“haan haan, soch to yeh he rha hoon, dekhte hain. Koi aayega abhi to jaata hoon”, he said.

“hor das” he said.
When the 'hor das' phase comes in a phone call, it always mean that this onversation is gonna end soon now. Its not the 'I don't want to talk to u' thing. Its just that nothing interesting is happening in my life. Life is dull. Life is boring. I have nothing to say to u and I presume that I have nothing new to tell me.

But still, we talked about other stuff. His papers of PTU. His M3. Kaalu;s shifting to delhi in july. The GREAT FAT INDIAN WEDDING coming up on 10/10/10..

my 15 minutes were already up.
“chal. Tu enjoy maar. Go to himani . Have fun. Take care, i'll call u at night. Bbye. Love ya.” I said , all in one go.
“ok veere. Changa fer. Bbye.” he said.

Click... phone call over.

FORWARD to 9:45 P.M.

Tring tring....
tring tring...

“hullo” someone answered.
“hello.... KAALU???” I spoke.

It was time for my call to kaalu at night. I was at home from office.

“haaaaannnnn veereeeee... kiiii *ahem* haaaall teeraaaaaa.” kaalu said. He sounded as if someone had his hand over kaalu;s mouth while he was talking to me.

“bas, vadiya. Kithe gya c tu? Ki kita. Kithe hoye partyyy.. cheti das menu...” I said.
“baaaaassssss veeerrrreeeee.. himaniiiiii gyaaaa ccccccc” he replied back.

Wait a second. Whats going on here. Kaalu is not speaking properly. He is fumbling over his words. He is talking in a slury voice.. could it be true???????????? could it be really my lucky dayyyyyyyyyy?????

YES. I had hit the JACKPOT. .. KAALU WAS DRUNK....

“kaalu, u motherfucker. R U DRUNK???” I spoke now, with a smile on my face.
“he he he he he he he” was all he could say.
“ha ha ha.. kithe hain tu? Still in himani?” I said.
“nai nai, veere.. HUUUUUNNNEEEEEE HEEEEEE ghar pahunchiyaan haan” kaalu said. If anyone has been drunk you know how dificult it is to say the above words.

“achaaaa.. party muk gaye?”, I asked again.
“haaaannnnnjiiiii veerrrreeerreeer.. paaaartrrrttyyyyyy oobvvveeerrrrrr”, he said.
His voice was getting more and more weird. And I was begining to enjoy this.
“ha ha ha.. kaalu.. eniiiiii daruu? Fuck man.. tere ton boliya v nai ja reha hune.. kinni pee k aaya hain?” I asked.
“16” came the reply.
“SIXTEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNN??” I said in amazement. “kaaaaaallllluuu.. WOWWWWWWW”
No wonder he couldn;t talk. I was imagining what he would be looking like now. Totally thrashed.

“chal, mein roti khaaaaaaaaannnnnn lagiya haan hun” he said.
“ok dude, u take care, saun ja hun” I suggested.
Ha ha ha...
We said our goodbyes.

WOW. Kaalu was drunk, and kaalu doesnlt get drunk so easilyyy.. so this was BIG news.
I had to share it with someone. I had to make someone hear kaalu totally drunk.

BLING....... my computer made a noise... :) :)

“horrr viii.. ki karda tu?????” came the message from Varun Nanda 'LIFE IS GOOD SO AM I'. on Gtalk.............

WOW. This is gonna get very VERY interesing.

“NANDE....... CALL UP KAALU RIGHT NOW... HE IS TOTALLY TALLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII” I almost screamed writing back to nanda.
“maujaaaannnn”, nanda replied.
“sunnnn.. if u are free and u can call him up, ohnu ring kar, he is totally drunk, he cannot even speak properly.. hahaha... call kar.. u will have the time of ur life... hahahaha.. call kar ohnu HUNE... chetiii.....” I wrote again at full speed. I didn;t want to waste a single moment.

“call connected” came nandas reply.

“h a ha ha ha ha, he is totally out” came his next reply.

“ha ha ha. Sun.. ask him if he has CONFERENCING on his cell, I will call him.. ask him,...” I wrote back.
“call kar” came his reply.

Conference connected.

“hello kaalu,.. saale talli... sutta nai tu hune tak???” I asked,.
“aaja aaja.. haraamjaade, tu v aaja.. le loooooo merrrrriiiiii sabbb milllllllll k”, kaalu said. Apparently he was trying to sound SOBER. But it was a pathetic effort. The first part of his sentence used to be ok, and the ending half was an he was actually making an effort to speak.

“ ha ha ha . kaalu tumne SHARAAB pee hai? Chee chee chee.. tum aisi cheezien karte he kyon ho? Ye sab sharaab pee k ghar aana... chee cheee”, spoke nanda THE SAINT.

“haan haan. Kaalu. Bolo.. kyon peete ho tum itna. Aur ye tumne daroo peena kab se shuru kar diya. Chee chee,.. “ spoke THE SAINT inside me.

“yaaaaarrrrrrr.. bakwaaaas na karo.. eni chittaarr pene dona de... roti kha laen do” kaalu said sounding as if he had half a chapati in his mouth.
“haan haan.. mayeeeyoveee.. hun roti he khayenga tu. Ghar aa jaanda hain daroo pee k fer roti mangde hain... cheeeeee” spoke nanda again.
“ha ha ha,.,” I laughed.

“tuuuuuu... tuuuuu saale.. nandeee... tu taaan naaa he bol... tujhse bada haraamjaada nai hoga, saale. Saari baatien conference pe kar deta hai , loudspeaker, and then other calls connected,. Tuuuu to naaa he bol”, kaalu said to nanda. “ tu bol balli. Sirf tu bol. Kya kar rha hai tu..?”

“kyaaaa mene kya kiya ab???” said nanda.
“abe tujhe pta hai.,. Zyada hero na ban.. balli tu bol na....” said kaalu.
“yaar kaalu to bta na.. nande ne kiya kya hai?” I laughed.

“haan kaalu bolo , mene kya kiya gai” said nanda laughing.
“abe,, tujhe pta hai,,. I don;t wanna discuss.. meri leni band karoooo .. .basssss” said kaalu.

“yaar par mene kiyaaaa kya haiiiii??”, spoke nanda again.

“haan yaar.. kaalu.. bol na .. kya kiya hai nande ne???” I said. Teasing him again.
“yaar.. tum dono chup karo.. nande tu to khaaas kar k.. mene nai baat karni ab is baare mein, balli tu bol kuch.. kuch aur baat kar..” said kaalu.

“par yaar tu yeh to bta mene kiya kya haiiiiiiiii??” said nanda again.
I was laughing to bits.

“are kaalu, bta naaaa.. nande ni kiya kya hai......????” I backed up nanda again.

“yaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr” said FRUSTATED kaalu..” kahaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnn suyeeeeeeeee ataaak gaye hai tumhari....”

“yaar.. par tu yeah to bta mene kiya kya hai???” nanda asked again..
“hello kaaluuuuu.. yaar.. par tu yeah to bta mene. ..................................” nanda started.
“blah blah blah blah.. ya ya ya ya ya ya.. yuuuu yuuu yu uu hooo hooo hooo hoo.. waaaaa waaaa waaa waaaaa” kaalu interrupted nanda before he could finish.

Ha ha ha ha ha.. this was getting more and more funny with every passing second..
“yaar.. par tu yeah.......................” nanda started again...
“yuuu yu uu hooo hooo hooo hoo.. ya ya ya ya...” kaalu interrupted nanda again.

Ha ha ha.. imagine a druink kaalu, then imagine him speaking like this. Ya ya ya ya.. waaaw aaaa.. yuuuu yuuuu.. ha ha ha.. his mom must be ready to call an ambulance... ha ha ha..

“anyways, mein ab phone rakh rha hoon”, said kaalu. “mujhe khaana khane do..”
“but kaaaallllluuu meneee kiyaaaaa kyaaaa hai.....” nanda finally able to get in his ULTIMATE question..
“ok veere.. bbye.,. tc... goodnite” said kaalu completely ignoring nanda..
“but kaaaluuuu to yeah to btaaa mene.............................”
CLICK...

The phone went dead. Ha ha ha ha ha ha...

EPILOGUE:
Kaalu's birthday was on 10th May and henceforth every year from now, his birthday will be celebrated on 10th May.
Kaalu was drunk on his birthday.
Totally talli.
It was good to see him happy.
And nandaa.... hahahahahahaha... hats off dude... u frustated kaalu to an extent that he would have jumped out of the window.... ha ha ha..
and meee.. just in hyderabad.. wishing KAALU A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY...,

with just one question in mind..

“KAAAAALUUUUU... NANDE NE KIYA KYAAAAAAAAAAAAA???????”