rakhi ki taki

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Prrj2wQPO-w

Aftermaths of marriage

This post is completely dedicated to our beloved friend who decided to end up his life on 20/09/2010............Please help him get his golden days back......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZ0EERd-a3g

AFTERMATHS OF MARRIAGE

In loving memory of our beloved Ponda

Before                                                                                                                              After

All over office and back to home

Enjoying with friends marathon n all

                                                                      

Stand on a side and see other people drink and dance

Drink dope dance and enjoy

                                                                              

Part of a happening group and enjoying the fun  part of life without any worries.

Part of a group but still wondering about the ration at home

Kya humara beloved Ponda kabhi normal ho paayega.............

Note : This is a warning , please don't commit the same mistake as done by the guy in above photos. This can involve risk of life.

Issued in public interest by : Bhoru Club ("_)

                                                                                     

Kaalu----The Dabaang

Ik kalla hunda si,,,,,
bada changa hunda si,,,,,
phone chukya karda si,,,,,
gaal karya karda si,,,,,,
photu kichya karda si,,,,,
Chd reha karda si,,,,,,
daaru piya karda si,,,,,
c******* piya karda si,,,,,,,
bahut gaallan karda si,,,,,,,,,,
par phir kahani ch twist aaya,,,,,,,
khatarnak singh chauhan ne ohnu apne kabze vich le leya,,,,,
ohnu chd, delhi te dehradun gumana shuru kar ditta,,,,
oh jehde shehar hunda othe da num on rakhda te baaaki num band rakda,,,,,,je kade galti naal ohda koi hor num on reh janda taan oh phone nahi chukda si,,,,,,,(Bhen chod bahut fudu harkat hai)
is bhen de lodde ne keha si ki oh aug last week vich delhi aayuga te call karuga,,,,,
par na kallu aaya na hi ohda phone,,,,, enni der ch taaannnnn,,,,,, chunni vali vi baaadnaam ho gayi darling kallu k liye,,,,,,,
Dabaang movie vich is character nu dekhya ja sakda hai------ Smile plzzz kehnde hoyeeee,,,,,,,
hun vi je is bande ne 24 ghante de andar call na kiti taaan eh apne naal hon wale emotional atyachar da khud jimmedar hoyega,,,,,,,,,

My Birthday (Staring KAALU)

My Birthday

Staring:
HERO: Kaalu as Himself

Also Starring:
Varun Nanda as Nanda
Jassi as Himself (sometimes Jazz)
Ponda as Himself

Guest Appearances by Karan Monga as Karan and Harsh Mann as Mann


5th August 2010
11:59 P.M.
Tringgggg….. Tringgg….
Trinnnggggg… Triiinnngggg…
I pick up the call feeling happy, Nanda Calling.

“Nandeeee,,,, ki haaaaaalllll…..” I Bark into the phone.
“HAPPPYYYYYY BIIIRRRTTTHHHDDAAAYYYYYY VEERRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE” comes the reply.
6th August 2010. I turned 25. I preferred to be called Silver that day but I had come to realize one thing, That I had completed half my life (with my (our) current lifestyle, I (we) don’t expect to last beyond 50). It was a stupid thing to feel happy about. Call me negative, but that’s what happened.
“Thanks bro, love u yaarrr”, I spoke into the phone again.
“Horrrrrrrr sunaaaaa”, asked nanda. “Party kithe hai?? Kinne daroo pee lee tu???”
“No party dude, no one in chandi, all alone here. Noone to celebrate wid”, I replied back.
This was true. I was in Chandigarh for a 10 day break from work and it just so happened that the 10 days I had got my vacation, included my birthday weekend. Damn.
“Aloneeeeee? Kyon yaar.. kya ho gya?” asked nanda.
“nothing mate, no friends, this is gonna be a family birthday”, I replied.
Nanda Laughed.
Even I laughed.
Since the time we have been together as friends – there has been no such thing as a FAMILY BIRTHDAY. The term does not exist in our dictionary – It had just been invented.
Our Birthday parties have always been celebrated amongst friends and celebrated as the most awesome and memorable parties ever. By parties I mean – one party for the Girls (nanda specially), one party wid some office friends (nanda again) and ofcourse our very OWN PARTY AT KAIMBHWALA – The most awesome of them all. All our parties are over da top with everyone getting drunk and having a roaring time.
This time, with none to celebrate – it was gonna be a family birthday.
“MAUJAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN” replied nanda, still laughing.
“Ya mate, I know. What should I do, hor suna. When u coming for Ponda’s wedding???”, I asked.
“Bas ji, 19 di tickets booked ne. Aa k gaahhhhhh pa dena appan. Majeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee”. Replied nanda in his fully nanda fashion.
“good yaar.. gonna be super cool. Ponde da vyaahhh”, I said.
Our good friend ponda had apparently decided to get married.
One fine day, out of the blue I get a call from Ponda saying that he had some good news. I was expecting that he must have changed his job and was going to chandi, but the news was even more ‘surprising’. “meri engagement ho gaye” , he said over da phone. I was silent for a moment, didn’t know how to react to it, how to respond to it, WHAT TO DO at that moment. I remember not believing a word of what he had said and asking him to shove something up his ass for this stupid prank, but apparently the news was true – Ponda was getting married to a girl he was in a relation for more than 4 years without letting me know. (Me and Karan I presume, EVERYONE ELSE KNEW ABOUT THIS RELATION AND NANDA , MANN and KAALU had even met the girl before… GRRRRRR>>>>>>). Everything aside, Ponda was getting married on 19-20 sept. karan and nanda had already preponed their tickets and Rumor that Mann would come with a guest appearance. It is gonna be awesome. WE’re SOOOO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS GRAND WEDDING OF 2010.
“aho”, said nanda. “Chalo ji, mein khan lagiya roti hun, tusi karo maujann”.
“Ok bro. Thanx so much. Love ya. Tc. Bye Se ya realllllyyy soon”, I replied.
“Bbye”, said nanda and the line went dead as I went to a waiting call from one of my other friends.
I must have attended about 7-8 phone calls (one from DUGGAL TOO.. yes our very own boy in dehradoon Mr. Atul Duggal (MBA).). The phone rang again. This time it was Ponda.
“Hello”.
“Balli veereeeeeeeeee. Janamdin diyan lakh lakh mubarkannnnn”, replied ponda.
“thank you ponde.. thanku thanku thanku thanku thankuuuu…”, I spoke into da phone. “Ki haal chaal”.
“Bas ji vadiya, tusi daso, kad aana delhi???” asked ponda.
“Bas yaar.. aa gya mein... sat nu aavanga tere kol, appan solid party karni.. solid ash. No one is in Chandigarh so I am totally saving myself for a party in delhi with you”. I said.
“WAAHHHHHH, aaja veere.. koi tension he nai. Come and stay wid me, ash karangay. Daroo peeni poori poori”, spoke ponda.
“Ya man. Poori ash” I replied back. We made plans for the sat night as to how i will reach his place and what daroo to drink.
“chalo ji fer, karo tusi ash, appan milde han delhi vich hun. Take care, bbye. Love you”, Said ponda.
“Bye dude. See ya soon. I will call u when I reach delhi. Have fun”, I spoke putting the phone down.
I attended some more calls after that and went to sleep at about 4 a.m.

6th August 2010.
8:00 a.m.
“ARE YOU STILL IN BED???”, Mom shouted.
I could hear her coming up the stairs.
I ran into the bathroom.
“No mom, I;m in the shower, be ready in 10 minutes”.
I heard the steps going down the stairs, obviously my reply had been convincing. I had planned to donate blood on my birthday. hahahahaha.... yes yes yes... its true.... thought i would do some good to the society... but i don;t know what good MY BLOOD would do to the person who actually recieves it. I had to go to the PGI Blood Bank.. I had been sick for sometime in the past with high fever, and we had to get the blood tested as well before the donation. I had to reach there at 9. It was 8:25 already. I was LATE. I got into the shower real quick.
Triiinnnnnnngggg… Triiinnnngggggg…
Triiinnnnnnngggg… Triiinnnngggggg…

Archimedes Principle states that : The weight of the displaced fluid is directly proportional to the volume of the displaced fluid (if the surrounding fluid is of uniform density). In simple terms, the principle states that the buoyant force on an object is going to be equal to the weight of the fluid displaced by the object, or the density of the fluid multiplied by the submerged volume. (WIKIPEDIA (“_))
The new Archimedes principle states that : When u r getting late – YOUR PHONE WILL RING.

Karan calling.
“Dude, wassup”, I spoke picking up the phone.
“Hey dude. Happy Birthday”, he replied.
“Thanx man, Thanx a lot. I’m sorry but I can’t talk now, I have to go to da hospital for blood check up, and I am running late. I’ll have to catch you later”, I spoke on da phone.
“Kya ho gya tujhe dude. You’re ok na? Apna Dhyan rakha kar yaar.” Said karan out of concern. “tu ja abhi, we’ll talk later”.
And the line went dead.
(See, I told u karan had a guest apperance).

The day was kind of hectic. Going to hospital, meeting family. By afternoon I was tired, sleep deprived and hungry. I realized that I had not had breakfast. I decided to go to Sher - e - punjab for some keema naan. I parked in sec 35. and as soon as i got out of my car, my phone rang again....

Jassi... urf Jazz calling..

"Jazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... wassupppppppppp", i said picking up da phone.
"Vadiyaaaaaaaaaa veereeeeeeeee... happy vaala birthday hai ji...." he said.
"thanku jaan.. thanku thanku very much.... ki haal teraa? kithe hain.. ki karda?" i asked.
"kuch nai yaar, jobte ja reha haan... hor das .. tu kithe hain.? kinni daroo pee lee? kithe ja reha hain aj?" he said.
"no daroo yet dude.. and no daroo in the evening also.. noone to celebrate wid.. last time u guys were here... this time NOONE is here", i said.
The last birthday was awesome. We had an awesome time. I;m not gonna mention anything about it here.. coz those who were there had a sexy time.. and those who weren;t there - SIMPLY MISSED IT...
Jassi and me remembered some good old memories of the last birthday.
"oye.. tu aa reha hain for ponda;s wedding???", i asked him finally.
"nai BUGGAY.. aa ne hona. paper ne.. and mera interview v hai for VISA extension. i don't think i will be able to come", he said.
"Dekh lae yaar.. its gonna be super.. ponda's marriage. everyone is coming.. mann may also come.. u;'ll be the only one not here.. kar koshish yaar.." i said trying to give him some PUMP.
"Dekhda haan yaar.. par ho nai paana BUGGAY.." he said sounding defeated (or lazy). "Chal tu kar ash. mein kamm ja reha haan.. karde haan baad'ch gal.. ok.. tata .. bbye.. love you".
We said our byes.
the day went by smoothly. i came home.. slept a little.. got some more calls.. made the weekend plans for delhi.


8 P.M.
Dinner with family.
10 P.M.
Home.
11 P.M.
Packed my bags coz tomorrow i will leave for delhi.

11:30 PM.
Went online.. logged into FB.. loads of birthday wishes there too... Found the one i was looking for.. HARSH MANN.. "happy birthday vai... got some pics from last year... hope u like it... cheers.. have a good day..." This was his entry... (his guest apperance)..made me smile. Thanks Bro.
11:59 P.M.
1 minute to go for the birthday to finish. Thanks to the 5 of you(nanda, ponda, karan, jazz, and mann) for your calls and FB messages.. You really really made my day.
12:00 A.M.
Feeling sad for one of the lonliest and the most SOBER birthdays ever.



You remember in the starting i mentioned the star cast of this blog. and i said Starring HERO : KAALU as Himself. Well, here is the thing about him staring in the blog.
HE FORGOT MY BIRTHDAY. YES... ITS TRUE... I only thanked 5 of you and not 6 of you coz kaalu wasn;t there...

Kaalu, u motherfucker. Where the HELL are YOU. of all the blogs i have written about you. of all the time we have spent in chd. of all the things we did together. all the parties. all the fun.. where the hell were you on my birthday.. u were the only one i could not meet who i wanted to meet on my chd visit. HERE IS ME TAKING BACK MY REVENGE for no calls, no meetings, no daroo sessions together, for too much travelling - ur in Delhi one day, in chd the next in dehradoon the thirs, manali the fourth.. NOMAD WANDRER... WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU???

I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SEE THIS....!!!

AWARD WINNING RAPE SCENE

check out this video.... i came across on youtube,,.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G3o0z2tw8VY&feature=related

ha ha ha... read the subtitles.... (BESUTY BEAUTY BEAUTY)

Saada pyaara jazz veera...............

Ah gal hai ji ik sham di ghare baithey baithey yaad aayi Jazz Parker ji di (jo ki pichley ikk haftey toh mera phone vi nahi chuk rahe c), te naal di naal  mainu hui ik shayarana aamad  jo kuch iss tarah hai :-







Arz kiya hai.........

mere pyare, raj dulare, aankho ke taare jazz parker,

mein laga deni srahane teri b@#d phad kar,

kabhi kabhi yaad karo hume bhi agar time mile burger bana kar,

kyun nahi raazi tum humara phone uthakar,

toh issi baat pe call karo hume do din ke andar andar,

nahi toh,

mein laga deni srahane teri b@#d phad kar,

b@#d phad kar

b@#d phad kar...

aadab aarsey ................ aadab aarsey.....
shukriya

In loving memory of Kaalu's Birthday.

In loving memory of Kaalu's Birthday.

10th May 2010.

As far as I remember kaalu's birthday was never in MAY. Never. At least not till last year. Only Jassi had his birthday in May.

So this year, when I saw “Sanjay Chauhan's Birthday 10th May” as an update on my Facebook, I was surprised. Infact, I thought it was a joke by kaalu. Another one of his Pjs. And I let it be like that.

9th May, 11:50 P.M.

I log on to Facebook. The update “Sanjay Chauhan's Birthday Tomorrow” comes up on the right hand corner of my screen.
I wonder if his birthday is Actually on 10th and I should probably give him a call in about 10-15 minutes.

BLIMP....... screams my Gtalk with a new message.

“veereeee.. ki haal chaaaaaal”, says Varun Nanda 'LIFE IS GOOD SO AM I'. (“_)
“vadiya jaan, ki haal tera???”, I reply back. “ki karda tu???”
“baaaassssssssss maujjjaaaaaannnnnnn”, he replies. Good old Nanda.

“hor das, ki banda???”, I wrote.
“vadiya, hune he online aaya haan, tu das, tu kithe hain?”, came the reply.
“I'm in hyd yaar, still stuck here. Looking for a new job. Sending out resumes everywhere”, I wrote.
“Madraaaasssssiiii JATT”, he replied.
“ha ha ha ha ha ha”, I wrote.
I could see no humour in it and hassi v nai aaye at this joke, but still I said ha ha ha. (things I do these days to keep people happy).

“sooo, aj jaRRi (jassi) da birthday hai. Gal hoye teri usde naal???” I asked nanda.
“haan yaar.. ho gaye c, tight baetha c poora, totally talli. Ha ha ha.” he answered.
“ha ha ha ha ha”, I said. This time it was funny. Imagining someone of us drunk is always fun. If u have been to one of our parties u would know how we all act after a few drinks down. Brings back memories. I had a flashback of jassi being tight and saying 'Kya chahiyeeeeeeee??'. Ha ha ha.

“good good.” I wrote.
“vaise kal kaalu da v birthday hai.”, nanda wrote again.
Wait a second. Kaalu actually has his birthday on 10th may. Nanda saying this was actually confirming it..

“yaar, sachi kaalu da birthday hai? I mean till last year kaalu was born in december/november I suppose but not in May. May vich taan sirf jaRRi da birthday hunda c. where has kaalu come from? Achanak he, mera birthday hai on 10th May, wish me. Na hum kya khote hain???”, I wrote expressing my feelings to Nanda.
“sai gal hai”, nanda said.

It was already 12:15. I was tempted to call kaalu. But I thought k if it is actually his birthday then he must be having some 'Special Clicks, I mean CALLS' from, well... ….. .. .. . . And I do not understand this madness of calling people at 12 in the night to be the FIRST ONE TO WISH them a happy birthday. Ok, u can be second too. Chillllll.....!!!!! That deosn;t make u any less special to the person whom u r calling. And when u call them, their phone is always busy with other calls or when u r talking to them, someone come in between. Whatever.
I have a new rule for that. I call people at 1. this way, all their calls are almost over, and they have some time to talk to u as well. Instead of the 15 second conversation, u have at least some time to talk. It works out better.
So I decided to call kaalu at 1.

The conversation between me and nanda drifted away and eventually nanda signed out and I started watching 'Kaminey' on my lappi. AweFUM movie. Shahid kapoor in one of his better roles, kicks ass. The whole plot revolves around a guitar case full of drugs, shahid kapoor trying to achieve his dreams, the pregnant priyanka chopra and ofcourse our beloved indian politicians. JAI MAHARASHTRA. It was exciting. And ofcourse the title of 'kaminey' makes it even more watchable.

The movie got over, I was tired and sleepy. I went to bed. It was 3:00 A.M.
3 AM???? shittttttt.. I forgot to call kaalu... shit shit shit.. he must be sleeping by now. Should I send a message??? or should I call him.. DILEMA.. shit.
My 1 o clock rule had failed. What use is it if u can;t wish the person at night. Shitttt.... fudu rule.. from now on I will call everyone who has their birthday at 11:55 pm. instead of 1 am. How can I be so careless. Shit..

I want to bed with a heavy head. I dreamt of Kaalu chasing me with a knife and running with horses, like in kaminey.

I woke up. Went to office. Checked my mail, did some work. Whatever.
At 11 I was finally free for 10-15 minutes and I decided to call up kaalu.

Tring.... tring...
tringg.... tring....

“hello”, someone answered.
“hello kaalu?”, I said. “happy birthday meri jaaaaannnnn, ki haal tera... ki kar reha hain???”
“thank u veere.”kaalu replied back. “bas kuch v nai, ghare baetha haan. Tyaar ho k. dostaan nu phone kar reha haan k KOI TAAN AA JAO.”
“ha ha ha”, I laughed. “eneee maade din aa gaye tere kaalu?”
“haan yaar. Alone in chandigarh. Tum mein se to koi hai nai, ki karna hun mein ethey kalle”, he said.

Yes,. Kaalu alone in chandigarh. None of us there. And that also on his birthday.

“koi na kaalu, koi taan aa he jaooga” I said trying to cheer him up. “ tu HIMANI ja yaar. Hune ja. Svere he shuru kar de....”
“haan haan, soch to yeh he rha hoon, dekhte hain. Koi aayega abhi to jaata hoon”, he said.

“hor das” he said.
When the 'hor das' phase comes in a phone call, it always mean that this onversation is gonna end soon now. Its not the 'I don't want to talk to u' thing. Its just that nothing interesting is happening in my life. Life is dull. Life is boring. I have nothing to say to u and I presume that I have nothing new to tell me.

But still, we talked about other stuff. His papers of PTU. His M3. Kaalu;s shifting to delhi in july. The GREAT FAT INDIAN WEDDING coming up on 10/10/10..

my 15 minutes were already up.
“chal. Tu enjoy maar. Go to himani . Have fun. Take care, i'll call u at night. Bbye. Love ya.” I said , all in one go.
“ok veere. Changa fer. Bbye.” he said.

Click... phone call over.

FORWARD to 9:45 P.M.

Tring tring....
tring tring...

“hullo” someone answered.
“hello.... KAALU???” I spoke.

It was time for my call to kaalu at night. I was at home from office.

“haaaaannnnn veereeeee... kiiii *ahem* haaaall teeraaaaaa.” kaalu said. He sounded as if someone had his hand over kaalu;s mouth while he was talking to me.

“bas, vadiya. Kithe gya c tu? Ki kita. Kithe hoye partyyy.. cheti das menu...” I said.
“baaaaassssss veeerrrreeeee.. himaniiiiii gyaaaa ccccccc” he replied back.

Wait a second. Whats going on here. Kaalu is not speaking properly. He is fumbling over his words. He is talking in a slury voice.. could it be true???????????? could it be really my lucky dayyyyyyyyyy?????

YES. I had hit the JACKPOT. .. KAALU WAS DRUNK....

“kaalu, u motherfucker. R U DRUNK???” I spoke now, with a smile on my face.
“he he he he he he he” was all he could say.
“ha ha ha.. kithe hain tu? Still in himani?” I said.
“nai nai, veere.. HUUUUUNNNEEEEEE HEEEEEE ghar pahunchiyaan haan” kaalu said. If anyone has been drunk you know how dificult it is to say the above words.

“achaaaa.. party muk gaye?”, I asked again.
“haaaannnnnjiiiii veerrrreeerreeer.. paaaartrrrttyyyyyy oobvvveeerrrrrr”, he said.
His voice was getting more and more weird. And I was begining to enjoy this.
“ha ha ha.. kaalu.. eniiiiii daruu? Fuck man.. tere ton boliya v nai ja reha hune.. kinni pee k aaya hain?” I asked.
“16” came the reply.
“SIXTEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNN??” I said in amazement. “kaaaaaallllluuu.. WOWWWWWWW”
No wonder he couldn;t talk. I was imagining what he would be looking like now. Totally thrashed.

“chal, mein roti khaaaaaaaaannnnnn lagiya haan hun” he said.
“ok dude, u take care, saun ja hun” I suggested.
Ha ha ha...
We said our goodbyes.

WOW. Kaalu was drunk, and kaalu doesnlt get drunk so easilyyy.. so this was BIG news.
I had to share it with someone. I had to make someone hear kaalu totally drunk.

BLING....... my computer made a noise... :) :)

“horrr viii.. ki karda tu?????” came the message from Varun Nanda 'LIFE IS GOOD SO AM I'. on Gtalk.............

WOW. This is gonna get very VERY interesing.

“NANDE....... CALL UP KAALU RIGHT NOW... HE IS TOTALLY TALLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII” I almost screamed writing back to nanda.
“maujaaaannnn”, nanda replied.
“sunnnn.. if u are free and u can call him up, ohnu ring kar, he is totally drunk, he cannot even speak properly.. hahaha... call kar.. u will have the time of ur life... hahahaha.. call kar ohnu HUNE... chetiii.....” I wrote again at full speed. I didn;t want to waste a single moment.

“call connected” came nandas reply.

“h a ha ha ha ha, he is totally out” came his next reply.

“ha ha ha. Sun.. ask him if he has CONFERENCING on his cell, I will call him.. ask him,...” I wrote back.
“call kar” came his reply.

Conference connected.

“hello kaalu,.. saale talli... sutta nai tu hune tak???” I asked,.
“aaja aaja.. haraamjaade, tu v aaja.. le loooooo merrrrriiiiii sabbb milllllllll k”, kaalu said. Apparently he was trying to sound SOBER. But it was a pathetic effort. The first part of his sentence used to be ok, and the ending half was an he was actually making an effort to speak.

“ ha ha ha . kaalu tumne SHARAAB pee hai? Chee chee chee.. tum aisi cheezien karte he kyon ho? Ye sab sharaab pee k ghar aana... chee cheee”, spoke nanda THE SAINT.

“haan haan. Kaalu. Bolo.. kyon peete ho tum itna. Aur ye tumne daroo peena kab se shuru kar diya. Chee chee,.. “ spoke THE SAINT inside me.

“yaaaaarrrrrrr.. bakwaaaas na karo.. eni chittaarr pene dona de... roti kha laen do” kaalu said sounding as if he had half a chapati in his mouth.
“haan haan.. mayeeeyoveee.. hun roti he khayenga tu. Ghar aa jaanda hain daroo pee k fer roti mangde hain... cheeeeee” spoke nanda again.
“ha ha ha,.,” I laughed.

“tuuuuuu... tuuuuu saale.. nandeee... tu taaan naaa he bol... tujhse bada haraamjaada nai hoga, saale. Saari baatien conference pe kar deta hai , loudspeaker, and then other calls connected,. Tuuuu to naaa he bol”, kaalu said to nanda. “ tu bol balli. Sirf tu bol. Kya kar rha hai tu..?”

“kyaaaa mene kya kiya ab???” said nanda.
“abe tujhe pta hai.,. Zyada hero na ban.. balli tu bol na....” said kaalu.
“yaar kaalu to bta na.. nande ne kiya kya hai?” I laughed.

“haan kaalu bolo , mene kya kiya gai” said nanda laughing.
“abe,, tujhe pta hai,,. I don;t wanna discuss.. meri leni band karoooo .. .basssss” said kaalu.

“yaar par mene kiyaaaa kya haiiiii??”, spoke nanda again.

“haan yaar.. kaalu.. bol na .. kya kiya hai nande ne???” I said. Teasing him again.
“yaar.. tum dono chup karo.. nande tu to khaaas kar k.. mene nai baat karni ab is baare mein, balli tu bol kuch.. kuch aur baat kar..” said kaalu.

“par yaar tu yeh to bta mene kiya kya haiiiiiiiii??” said nanda again.
I was laughing to bits.

“are kaalu, bta naaaa.. nande ni kiya kya hai......????” I backed up nanda again.

“yaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr” said FRUSTATED kaalu..” kahaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnn suyeeeeeeeee ataaak gaye hai tumhari....”

“yaar.. par tu yeah to bta mene kiya kya hai???” nanda asked again..
“hello kaaluuuuu.. yaar.. par tu yeah to bta mene. ..................................” nanda started.
“blah blah blah blah.. ya ya ya ya ya ya.. yuuuu yuuu yu uu hooo hooo hooo hoo.. waaaaa waaaa waaa waaaaa” kaalu interrupted nanda before he could finish.

Ha ha ha ha ha.. this was getting more and more funny with every passing second..
“yaar.. par tu yeah.......................” nanda started again...
“yuuu yu uu hooo hooo hooo hoo.. ya ya ya ya...” kaalu interrupted nanda again.

Ha ha ha.. imagine a druink kaalu, then imagine him speaking like this. Ya ya ya ya.. waaaw aaaa.. yuuuu yuuuu.. ha ha ha.. his mom must be ready to call an ambulance... ha ha ha..

“anyways, mein ab phone rakh rha hoon”, said kaalu. “mujhe khaana khane do..”
“but kaaaallllluuu meneee kiyaaaaa kyaaaa hai.....” nanda finally able to get in his ULTIMATE question..
“ok veere.. bbye.,. tc... goodnite” said kaalu completely ignoring nanda..
“but kaaaluuuu to yeah to btaaa mene.............................”
CLICK...

The phone went dead. Ha ha ha ha ha ha...

EPILOGUE:
Kaalu's birthday was on 10th May and henceforth every year from now, his birthday will be celebrated on 10th May.
Kaalu was drunk on his birthday.
Totally talli.
It was good to see him happy.
And nandaa.... hahahahahahaha... hats off dude... u frustated kaalu to an extent that he would have jumped out of the window.... ha ha ha..
and meee.. just in hyderabad.. wishing KAALU A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY...,

with just one question in mind..

“KAAAAALUUUUU... NANDE NE KIYA KYAAAAAAAAAAAAA???????”

Itna sanaata kyu hai bhai...!!!!!!!

ITNA SANNAATAA KYU HAI BHAI....!!!!!!!!

All gaayab candidates r reqd. to b here asap...!!!!!!!!

the worst wek of my life

This has been the worse week in my life... nopthing went right in this week,.. nothing at all..

i almost got fired from my job.
thrown out of the guest house..
was refused to enter the society where i had taken my new flat on rent.
spent half a night in the policestation.
had a road accident.
foodless and homeless for 2 days.
fought with almost everyone who called me or talked to me.

hahaha... it was amazing.. but i survived..

for more (Detailed) info.. keep watching this space..

PONDA's BIRTHDAY

PONDA’S BIRTHDAY.

tringggg… tringgggggg… tringggggg… tringgggggggggg….

The phone always rings when u are most busy and do not want to be disturbed.

I was driving down with my family to Ludhiana for a wedding.
Another phone call, I thought while I shuffled for the phone in my pocket. That makes it 4 in this short ride to Ludhiana.

Ponda calling…

“Hello?”, I said.
“Hello?, came the reply.
“Hello”, I said again.
“Hello”, ponda replied again.

I wonder why people say “hello” when they answer the phone. And have you ever noticed that the person on the other end always replies back with a “hello” exactly like yours?

“haanji 22g”, I said again, after the 4 hellos.
“haan veere, ki haal hai?”, replied Ponda.
“bas ji vadiya. Drive kar reha c, Ludhiana jaa reha haan, with family for a wedding”. I replied truthfully. “tu suna, ki haal?”
“bas yaar vadiya. Busy hain?”, said ponda.

No. Ofcourse I am not busy. Driving at 100 kmph and listening to phone calls is my hobby. IDIOT. I am busy. Tell me what u want.

“nai yaar, bilkul v nai. Das ki hoya”, I lied. OFCOURSE.
“bas yaar kuch nai”, ponda said indifferently.

Ok. 4 hellos and a friendly chit chat. 1 minute over. What now? Awkward SILENCE for roughly 5 seconds.

Beeeeeeeppppp. A skoda flew past me blaring its horn.

“Stop the car balli or put down the phone”. Dad said from the passenger seat.
I slowed down. Bol ponde. Kuch taan bol.

“fer”, I said deciding to take the conversation further.
“haan, mein tenu das si a k I am co to Ch rh.” Ponda replied.
“Kya???’, I replied.
Interference, bloody airtel signal.
I brought the handset closer to my mouth and pressed it deeper into my ear.
“veere. Mein tenu dasna siga that I am coming to CHANDIGARH” replied ponda.

Signal better. But the message was unexpected.

“kya??? Tu Chandigarh aa reha hain?” I said, stating the obvious once again.
“ya, I am coming to Chandigarh”, he said again.” Tu busy hain?.”
“haan yaar, menu awaaz v nai aa re. signal problem ho re hai. I’ll call u back when I reach Ludhiana.” I said.

“ok, changaaaa. Kar leen phone pakka.”, ponda spoke in that familiar tone which is his signature style. I will call it the “do-it-for-sure” tone, which always suggest that u better do what I am telling you or else…………….
“ok. Bbye.” I replied, making a mental note to call up Ponda and the other 3 people who had called me earlier during my drive.

Ponda, because of his tone, became No.1 phone call priority.


I resumed my journey. It was a great drive. Open roads, no traffic, the swift responding to my every move, purring like a cat along the way. The occasional DAD SLOGAN was a damper: “slow down.” .. “ watch that truck.” … “slow down to 80”….. “ u drive too rashly”… “watch the road”……..

WHEN WILL FATHER’S LEARN TO LET THEIR SONS DRIVE IN PEACE???

Mentally I was telling dad …..If cars were meant to be driven at 80 kmph then they WOULD HAVE MADE THE SPEEDOMETER TILL 80 only. i’m driving like this only so Eat your heart out OLD MAN. (If I would have said it loud, DARKNESS would have fallen and I would have got a CHOKESLAM or a TOMBSTONE). Hahaha… (“_)


LUDHIANA

We soon reached Ludhiana.

One of my cousins marriage. The usual song and dance.

Meeting distant relatives that u always meet only at marriages and nowhere else. Touching feet of elderly aunties, who while blessing you by smothering ur head between their breasts while asking mom or dad “eh tuhada munda hai???” (nai aunty ji. Mein amitabh bachan haan.. IDIOT FAT AUNTIES). Meeting elderly uncles whom ur farther suddenly proclaims that “these are your TAYA ji. Touch their feet”. The new TAYAs are meanwhile happily sipping on some cheap alcohol and are more interested in seeing where the waiter serving NON-VEG SNACKS has gone rather than meeting me. Meeting cousins, who u recognize only by face and don’t even know the name, while they try to act SOBER in front of u. u know. Just like any other normal Punjabi wedding.

The BARAAT was late. Ofcourse.

I had time to kill. No program starts without the baraat.



trainnnnggg… tringggggggg… tringggggggggggg.. tringggggggggggg….

FUCK. I forgot about the phone calls.

Karan calling…. NICE. I answered.

“hey wassup buddy”, karan said in his USA fashion.

What is it with NRIs and phone calls??? ;)
“hey dude. How u doing??” I replied, trying to sound educated and intelligent. After all, I’m attending an international call.

“good yaar, tu bta. Kya haal hai tera? Kya kar rha hai?”, he said.
“I’m good, in Ludhiana. One of my cousins marriage, waiting for the baraat to come.” I said.
“O KKKKKKKKKK”, said karan. If he ever calls, u would have noticed the prolonged KKKKK in OK. I wonder y is that? Is it the “K” effect? (“_)

“aur bta. Kya haal hai tera.” He spoke again.
Wait. Didn’t he ask me that already? Before the conversation becomes awkward, I decided to ask some questions.

“how as ur new years with RAJJJJJJJJJ??”. I made sure the JJJJJJJJJJ was prolonged in RAJ… J
“amazing yaar. I had soooo much fun. Itna fun mene zindagi mein nai kiya. I stayed in a separate room at his place. We went to see his Brother-in-law’s house who is a multi-millionaire in USA. Daaru pee. Girls and all from his family. One girl got drunk and uskiii harketiennnnnnnnnn…. Fuck man.. wo gir rahi thee.. laughing uncontrollably. Kya gandddd paya us kudi ne… amazinggggggggg.” He spoke.
“niceeee… I likes….” I replied.

At least some of us know how to have fun. I was glad to hear he was doing good and really enjoying. (Although some parts of his story seemed a bit exaggerated, but what the hell) Karan was having fun. IN STYLE.

“good man, sounds like u really had a lot of fun”, I said. “howz ur job thingy going? Found something interesting yet or not?”
“ nai yaar. I am gonna come to india now and get a job. Balli mujhe apni company mein rakh lena at a high package. I will do work” he said jokingly.

Yes. Our conversations are always funny. (“_)

“hahaha. I laughed”, sure dude. “Anytime u want, u come down, and u will get a job. Vaise bhi. Now I am thinking to chuck up the job and start a venture of my own. Job sux. Business is good”.

We both are co-founders of the Bhoru Club. Our BHORUISM has no boundaries. (“_)

“ya sure man. Yeh he to karna hai”, he said.
I suddenly remembered PONDA.
“acha, by the way, PONDA aa rha hai Chandigarh aaj”, I told him.
“WOW. That’s good. Aaj uska BIRTHDAY bhi hai”. He replied.

Wooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh.. wait a minute. PONDA’s Birthday is TODAY????? Is it SUNDAY already???? FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK……. IT IS SUNDAY….!!!!!!!!!!!!

How the days had passed…. The marriage had kept me busy and the SHOCK given by KAALU (for more info read KAALU:THE STORY in this BLOG) that I had lost track of time. I had totally forgotten bout PONDA’s birthday being TODAY.

“acha. Haan I know. I talked to him sometime back when he told me that he was coming. That time I was driving and the signal wasn;t clear so I couldn’t talk to him properly” I said in PANIC.
Karan must have sensed my panic coz he said, “chal theek hai. I have to go now. Will talk to u later. TC BUDDY LOVE U”
“love u too bro. tc. Bbye. Will talk later.” I said.
CLICK.



It took me 2 seconds to search for PONDA in my phone book. Another 4 seconds for the phone to connect and about 10 seconds for PONDA to answer.

“PONDAAAAAAAAAAAAA… veere……… HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYYYYYYYY JAAAAAANNNNNNN… kithe paunch gya???” I spoke in FULL enthusiasm.
“haan haan. Earlier u didn’t remember my birthday. Yaad aa gya hun??” replied ponda, Sleepily.

I was in full SALES TALK MODE and didn’t want to come down from it. I gathered up my courage.
“nai yaar. I remembered your birthday. But I could not hear u properly earlier and I was driving also. Sooo. Tu Chandigarh aaja. TOTAL FUN KARANGAY. KAALU will also come.” I said, and prayed for kaalu to be in chandigarh.
“I called up WHITY (Ponda calls Kaalu “WHITY”)”, replied Ponda. “but usne call nai chakki. Meri interview hai SCL vich. I have to meet the guy at his office in sector 9 in the evening before 9 o’clock. I just got the VOLVO from bus stand about 10 minutes back for Chandigarh. So I am already on the way. Interview de baad we will meet.”

“haan yaar sure. I am in Ludhiana right now. I will reach by 6 o’clock. I have some work in Chandigarh. but I will get free.” I said. I had to pick up my laptop as the windows had crashed (DAMN MICROSOFT), pick up clothes from dry cleaning, drop stuff somewhere…. blah blah blah.. normal stuff 24 years old guys have to do when they r staying at home.

“haan haan. Koi na. meri v interview hai. I will also be free by 8 only. We will meet then.” He said.
“ya dude. For sure. I will try n get free early and then we will meet and have fun.” I said. “u want me to call up kaalu and tell him ur coming?” I asked.
“nai nai. I will call. No worries” he answered.
The marriage palace became noisy all of a sudden and I saw people rushing to the door. The baraat had come, FINALLY.
“acha sun veere. The baraat has come. I will call u when I reach Chandigarh” I replied, hurriedly.

“ok. CALL KAR LEE PAKKA”. He said using the “DO-IT-OR-ELSE” tone.
“ok bye” I said in panic again.

MENTAL NOTE: CALL UP PONDA WHEN I REACH CHANDIGARH.

The baraat arrived. Lunch was served. We went to the gurudwara for the marriage. Got the pictures clicked with the bride and the groom. BLAH BLAH BLAH. Said our goodbyes and started for Chandigarh.


FORWARD to 8 o’clock. CHANDIGARH.

Tringgggg.. tringgg…. Tringggggggggg.. tringgggggggggg… PICK UP KAALUuuuuuu…
“haanji veere”, KAALU answered in total JASSI style.
“Where are u?? is ponda with u??? r u guys free from the interview?” I asked.
“haan yaar. Just got free. The interview was in BARISTA. Just stepped out of here. WHERE R U??”, he asked.
“I am free, near 35 only. Where are we planning the party???”, I said.
“yaar. Ponda has to go early to his taya ji’s place at about 9:30-10:00 and I also have to go back home early. Sooo. Tu bta kahaan jaana hai?”, kaalu asked.

WHERE TO GO??? The usual problem. We search for a lot of options to go to in Chandigarh but always end up going to the same places for drinks. KAIMBWALA or Himani’s. (“_)

“HIMANI CHALDE HAAN” I heard ponda telling KAALU. “mene jaldi v jaana hai ghar,” ponda spoke in half Punjabi and half hindi.
“fer himani he chalte hain” said kaalu.
“theek hai”, I sighed. “I will meet u outside Himani’s only. I am in 35, see u in a minute.” I said.

CLICK.

HIMANI. Not again, I had had a KAALU experience at HImani’s 2 days back and was still recovering from it. But given the time we had it seemed the only place we could go. And it was chosen by PONDA and it was his Birthday, so who was I to argue.

I saw kaalu and ponda waiting outside himani.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY VEEREEEEE” I spoke as I HUGGED Ponda.
“thank u veere. Thank u” he said hugging me back.
“How u doing KAALU”, I asked turning to KAALU.
“MAYE YOVE… KUTTE … KAMEENE… HARAAMJAADE… SAALE… MAARRRRRRRR DENA TENU….” Kaalu charged at me with his fists. “BLOG mein itnaaaaaaaaaaa sab kuch likhne ki kya zaroorat thee. Saale.. kameene. Mujhe raat raat ko logon k phone aa rahe hain about that blog. KUTTE KAMEENE, mera jeena haraam kar diya DEEPAK ne. HARAAMJAADE.. **BEEP BEEP*… *BEEP BEEP**”

I laughed.

“mene hune blog nai padiya” said ponda in his half Punjabi half hindi again. “mene NANDE da phone aaya dassan vaaste k WHITY has quit. Mene 3-4 din ton mail nai access kiti. Tane taan B_ND he maar lee kaalu di log te.” He laughed.

We all laughed.

“chalo lets go in” I suggested.




HIMANI REVISITED

We entered himani. it was JAMPACKED. But we found a table. (we always manage to find a table here)
Our waiter greeted us and handed us the menu as we took our seats.
“kya peena hai” I asked. “beer ya fer whisky?”
“dekh lo, jo v peena hai” replied kaalu and ponda.

Tringgggggggggg.. tringgggggggggggggg.. tringgggggggggg.. tringggggggggggggggg..
Ponda’s phone rang before we could make the most important decision: “WHISKY OR BEER”

PONDA'S BOSS CALLING….

“mein hune aaya”, he said getting up from the seat and went out.
“boss at this time???” I asked kaalu..
“eddan he hai veer… vade bande…..” he replied.

Tringggggggggg.. tringgggggggggggg… tringgggggggggggg… tringgggggggggggg…
Kaalu’s phone rang..
“who is it??”, I asked.

PREETI CALLING…

PREETI???? Why????????????????????????????????????? (“_)
Kaalu didn’t answer because….. errr….. errrrr… I’m trying to think of the excuse here… errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.. GOT IT.

KAALU DIDN’T ANSWER BECAUSE THE MUSIC BECAME LOUD ALL OF A SUDDEN……….................... (“_)
Ok SORRY…

Actually. Kaalu was fed up of answering calls all day. And while we were entering himani kaalu told me k mene kissi ka phone nai uthana. Yes… that’s the actual reason.

“kya peena hai fir?” I asked kaalu indiffently.
“wait. Let ponda come. Then we will order.” He said.
Made sense to me.
we laughed about the blog posting a little more.


Tringgggggggg… tringgggggggggggg… tringggggggggggggggg.. tringggggggggggggg…
“who is it now?? Preeti again???” I asked.
“NAI NAI……………….MAYE YOVA hai ik”, he replied. “Saada NRI from NORWAY”

NANDA CALLING….

“haan vvvvvv.. ki haal hai tera” kaalu answered the phone.
“ vadiya veere. Siting at himani. celebrating PONDA’s Birthday. Nai nai. He is outside. Uske boss ka phone aaya hai. Tu das. Haan haan.. saale.. BLOG padh liya mene bhi… hahahahaha.. sai hai … le lo meriiiiii tum sab mil k… hahahaha..” , I heard kaalu’s side of the conversation.

"Aa gaye meri complaint tere ko preety se, that phone nai attend kar saka uska????????????? hahahahahaha… pretty nai chalo nanda sahi.” Hahahahahahaha…. he laughed again.

Kaalu and I HIGH FIVED.

Kaalu handed the phone to me.

“haaaaaaaaannnnnn vvvvvvvvvvvvvv”, nanda said in his usual “LAZY LINGERING” tone as if talking is a BIG PAIN. “kyaaaaaaaa kar rahe ho tusiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii???”
“bas nandeeeeeeee.. vadiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.. tu sunaaaaaaaa.. kya kar reha hain???” I said.
“bassssssssssssssss.. maujaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnn” said nanda.

Even if the world is falling the reply of BASSSSSSSSSSS MAUJAAAAAAAAAANNNN will never change. It will always be the same…………………………………

“ponda kithe hai”, he asked.
“usde boss da call aaya c”. I said.
“usde nai ………USDI BOSS da call”, nanda corrected me. “his boss is a female” he chuckled.
“achaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that’s y he went out.” I said. “ okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk”
“aho…” he said.

PONDA walked back in again.

“keeda phone hai”, he asked.
“NANDA”, replied kaalu.
“fada ethey”, he said.
“haanji sir. Ki haal tuhada???” ponda spoke into the phone.

Meanwhile, our waiter came and asked for the order. I told him to come after 5 minutes. Me and kaalu decided on the snacks menu while ponda talked on the phone.
CLICK. Ponda handed the phone back to kaalu.

“kya peena hai”, I asked ponda.

20 minutes had passed and we had still not decided what to drink.
Ponda suggested whisky. So whisky was served. Alongwith CHILLY CHICKEN for me and ponda and PANEER TIKKA for kaalu BECAUSE KAALU IS A VEGETARIAN. :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P

“CHEERSSSSSSSSSS….. Happy Birthday PONDA” kaalu and I said in unison.
“thank u veere. Thank u”
We took a sip as we sat down.

Tringggggggggggggggg.. tringgggggggggggggg… tringgggggggggggg.. tringggggggggggg…
Ponda’s phone again.
“hune aaya”, ponda walked off seriously.

Kaalu and me looked at each other. Who could it be? Is everything ok? Koi problem to nai? Then we thought. CHODO YAAR… DAARU pe dhyaan do… (“_)
Sip by sip waiting for ponda to come back, we finished our drink. Yes. It took ponda that long.
Finally ponda came in.
“daddy da phone c” he said.
We had not asked.
“ok” we said.
“finish ur drink yaar, then we will repeat the order” I said.

Ponda gulped down the drink.
We teased kaalu of his VEG snacks and had a bit of his paneer.
The repeat order arrived.

Tringggggggggggggggg.. tringgggggggggggggg… tringgggggggggggg.. tringggggggggggg…
PONDA’s phone again… WHAT THE FUCKKKKKK…
“hune aaya”, ponda walked off again.
Kaalu looked at me. “saale de phone he nai mukde..”

The alcohol was starting to loose kaalu’s tongue already. his eyes were already shining and squinty.
I laughed.

We sipped our drink again. This time a bit slowly. India was playing south Africa or someone on tv. Some old match.. we watched some of that waiting for Ponda to return. We talked a lot. Our discussion ranging from the weather to HONDA recall of cars all over the world.

PONDA enters.

“taya ji da phone c”, he said.

We had not asked. AGAIN.
Now kaalu gave me a look and looked suspiciously and ponda. I joined him in the suspicion look.
Why was ponda telling us who was calling him. We hadn’t asked him. Why the sudden explanations after every phone call???

“sachi das. Kisda phone c”, kaalu qustioned ponda.
“yaar. Pita ji da phone c at first, fer taya ji da phone c”. he replied. “check my phone if u don’t believe me”.
“nai nai, we believe u. y were they calling?” kaalu asked.”everything ok??”

I was beginning to enjoy this.

“pita ji pooch rahe c kithe hain and taya ji was asking k mene dinner ghare khaana hai k nai.” Ponda replied.
“ok ok”, kaalu said apparently satisfied with the response.
“so how did the interview go??” I asked ponda.
“vadiya ho gya. Normal interview hunda hai jidan” he said. “MD ne lita c. apparently he was satisfied so its all down to the salary package now. If he offers a rise of 33% from my previous salary then I will join. And plus I will be coming back to Chandigarh so it will be good”.
Good, I thought. One step closer to home for ponda.

Tringggggggggggggggg.. tringgggggggggggggg… tringgggggggggggg.. tringggggggggggg…
Tringggggggggggggggg.. tringgggggggggggggg… tringgggggggggggg.. tringggggggggggg…

WHAT NOW. PONDA IS ON PHONE MODE TODAY.

Kaalu got up excitedly from his trance.
“kaun hai .. kaun hai hun.” He asked ponda moving towards him.
“MAMA JI”, ponda replied moving away from kaalu trying to hide the phone from him.
“mein hune aaya”. He left again.

“saala. Kameena. Phone attend karne aaya hai yaahan?” kaalu asked me. “bhen___d”.
We watched dravid score some runs. Then he got out. Like always.

Ponda entered as soon as we finished our second drink.

“order something do eat yaar. I am hungry.” He said.

We orders garlic chicken for ponda and me and FRECH FRIES for kaalu. FUCK U KAALU.

“tu phone dikha.” Kaalu said to ponda. “ pita ji and taya ji we can understand. But now mamaji??? Tu family function te aaya hain???”
“dekh dekh dekhhhhhhhhhhh..” ponda said taking out his phone and shoving it against kaalu’s face. “veere. U can check the names. Sachi vich phone aaya hai. I;m not lying.”.
“you could have saved someone;s number as DAD or taya ji or mama ji.. how do we know if the numbers are correct or not????” kaalu said, INTELLIGENTLY.. (“_)

I was really beginning to enjoy this now. 2 drinks down, kaalu questioning ponda. Ponda trying to justify his phone calls. It was goooooooooood.
Meanwhile our 3rd order of large drinks arrived.
Ponda gulped down his 2nd drink again.

Tringggggggggggggggg.. tringgggggggggggggg… tringgggggggggggg.. tringggggggggggg…
Tringggggggggggggggg.. tringgggggggggggggg… tringgggggggggggg.. tringggggggggggg…
Tringggggggggggggggg.. tringgggggggggggggg… tringgggggggggggg.. tringggggggggggg…

WHAT THE FUCK… BHEN___D.
PONDA AGAIN??????????

This time kaalu got up checked the phone. (Phantom aka kaalu moves faster than lightening: OLD JUNGLE SAYING) (“_) hahaha..

It was from DAD1.
Hmmm.. DAD seems ok but who is this DAD1 I wondered.
Ponda didn’t pick up the call. Instead he put it on silent.

Kaalu transformed into SHERLOCK HOLMES.
“tu bta kiss ka phone hai. DAD is fine, but who is this DAD1??? Bta.. dasssssssssss… saale.. kiss da number hai??? Btaaaa.. sachi das ponde………”
“dad has 3 numbers from which he calls. So all 3 r stored differently.” Ponda said.

I think I saw ponda sweating, hesitating while replying this time. I wondered was it for real or just the alcohol. NO. This time he was not picking up the call. And it was his DAD’s call, which ponda will pick up even when he is DEAD DRUNK. But here he had simply put the phone on silent and not answering it. FISHY… very FISHY. Something was up. And ponda was refusing to tell us the real deal.
I asked ponda about the phone call. “koi na. let it ring.” He said. Very very VERY FISHY.

We sat and finished our drinks while kaalu & I kept questioning ponda about the phone calls. Ponda stuck to his original story and refused to disclose any further details.


Suddenly ponda declared that he was getting late. kaalu said he had to go home too. It was already 10 o’clock. Ponda had to catch the bus back to delhi and kaalu had already got a phone call from his dad DEMANDING that he reach home THIS INSTANT. We paid the bill.

Kaalu dropped me off to my bike in his car. I picked up my bike and went home. Kaalu followed to drop ponda off to my place because he had to hurry back home and ponda was planning to catch the late night bus. I was to drop ponda to the bus stand.

Ponda came to my house. We did some “important work” while ponda questioned me about the kaalu:the story blog. He had not read it and had only got the feedback from nanda.
We got out of the house. Ponda purchased a bottle of RC to take along with to delhi. Alcohol is double rate in delhi as compared to Chandigarh. We went to ponda’s tayaji’s place after having some strong mouthfreshner. We sat with his cousin for about 15 minutes. Ponda discussed his interview with his cousin while I watched another END OF THE DAYS news by AAJ TAK. His taya ji was sleeping. Thankfully. Ponda picked up his bag from there. Went to kaalu’s house again coz ponda had left his jacket in kaalu;’s car. CARELESS PONDA. We Picked up the jacket and then we went to the bus stand to drop him off. He got the Volvo back to delhi.




12:15 A.M.
DRIVING BACK FROM BUS STAND AFTER LEAVING PONDA.

What a night. It was Ponda’s birthday. So good that he came to Chandigarh. He really enjoyed. What would he have done in GREATER NOIDA? It was good that I met him before leaving for Hyderabad. I hope he gets this job. This way he will move closer to home with a raise. We enjoyed our time at HIMANI yet again. Me, kaalu and ponda.

Wait a minute. ME KAALU & PONDA????????? Wasn’t it only ME AND KAALU???? Did PONDA actually sit with us? I mean half the time he was out of himani and me and kaalu were the only ones inside. And the PHONE CALLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS…



Questions in my mind:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Was ponda telling the truth about the phone calls?

If not then Who were on those phone calls?

Was he really hesitating while answering the questions that kaalu had put forward when he got the DAD1 call?

(In one day, u get a call from dad .. its normal… from taya ji… its ok.. not normal but acceptable.. MAMA JI… BOSS… and then there was the call that he refused to pick up… DAD1??)

Who is this mysterious DAD1??

What role does this DAD1 play in ponda’s life?

What is ponda hiding that he refuses to disclose?


I reached home with these questions in my mind and 2 more important questions…………..

GEET KAHAAN HAI???????????????
&
NA HUM YAAAN KHOTE HAINNNNNNNNNN?????????????????


Hahahahahahahahahah… (“_)(_”)


To ponda: u came to Chandigarh for ur birthday. It was great fun. If me or kaalu weren’t able to get the phone information out of u, this blog sure will.


To all our member (especially founders and senior members): ASK PONDA TILL HE GIVES THE CORRECT ANSWERS .. and if he says that it was actually his family calling him.. TELL HIM BULLSHIT… WE DON’T BUY THE STORY. TELL US REALLY WHAT HAPPENED………………………………………………

CHEERS………………..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A random writeup...

I am in a mood to write sth.. i m feeling bad, bored, dull... no matter what i do...actually, its not due to what i do... its due to "people"... y cant everyone create an interest in your life... nevermind... i am finding ways to keep my life interesting... but nothing is working for me the same way as it was earlier... i am caught in the whirlpool of the daily ROUTINE... the same dull and monotonous routine.. no challenges... nothing interesting.. even though i have a lot of work to do.. still don't feel like doing it.... don't know what i want.. what i m waiting for...

anyways...

Random writeup...

Its hard to make a decision in life... you make decisions thinking that the decision is the right decision for you at that time.. BUT IS IT??? the decision that you make will give you momentary happiness.. and then what.. One day, out of blues, you realize that .. "You life is not the way you thought it would be" ...

i firmly believe in the quote .."Nothing lasts forever".. especially INTEREST in something... 2 things people crib about the most.. JOBS AND RELATIONSHIPS.. they will seem to be interesting in the start but then they both suck... (hard to figure out which will suck more in future) ...

i like to do "Interesting things" .. might be any thing.... whether its "right or wrong" .. its "good or bad" .. its "risky or safe".. I DON'T CARE.. i enjoy them and get a thrill while doing them which has by far been sucked by the routines we follow in our daily lives... i ll go after or keep on doing interesting things even if they give me just a pinch of interest or satisfaction.. (jobs... got bored.. leave it .. join another one.. interesting for 1 year/less or more.. then shift........... girls... have relationship till time i feel happy and content..).. LIFE WILL GO ON...

Due to my fickle minded nature, I was never able to stick to a particular thing in life.. Hobbies, girls, or jobs... for me, it had always been- "what can be more interesting, or what can be different"... BUT the question is - Do i repent?? thats the question that comes into my mind a lot of times .... How would it have been if i would have done that ... if i would have taken that decision.. but does it affect me?? I don't think so.. and if anyone will sit alone and think about the same thing that i do sometimes.. i think he will get the same answer... "You are the way you are just because of the decisions you took in your life... and every time you take a decision.. it makes you smarter... even if you take a stupid decision and screw up in something... you will make sure that you wont repeat that again (some people still do...lolz)"

Anyways...

The main thing is that you enter into something at your own will.. (some people don't even get a choice) you think its interesting and you like it in the beginning... but later on .. as time passes by... the same dull and monotonous life creeps over you... you realize that the things won't be lined up in the same way for you as you would have expected... and to cope up with the circumstances.. you change yourself.... you COMPROMISE!!! at every step... every decision.... and you end up where you never would have thought you ever will...

KAALU : THE STORY

HERE IS THE STORY:


YESTERDAY

yesterday i called up kaalu to meet me.. it had been a long time that we hadn;t met.. he was busy, so was i.... no apologies there.,. he said that he was in sector 40 with someone and couldn;t meet me, he would get late in getting free.. so we decided to meet today...



TODAY


I called up kaalu at about 4 'o'clock..

"hi kaalu, kya kar rha hai kutte"

Kaalu" kuch nai yaar, lunch kar rha hoon maami k saath, tu bta"

i thought, lunch ya fir breakfast. hmmm ("_)


since i was relatively free tonight and had nothing to do related to work i said,"ghar aaja kaalu. fun karte hain. baut time ho gya mile he nai. aaj raat ka kuch plan karte hain".
I thought of having night stay, (it has been a long time since any night stay).

"ok" he said. "i;'ll be there in half an hour". (click)


i got up from my bed and went to get a shower.


I cooked myself some eggs and toast and some cold coffee.. nice breakfast.. yummy..

it was almost 5 o'clock.

i called up kaalu as he hadn;t come." aapka balance low hai. so u cannot make the call...."

SHIT.... low balance... reminder.. to get recharge...

i decided to call him from my official phone... "tringgg... trinnnngggg.... trinnnngggg triinngggg...."

no response.. What the hell... first he is late and then not picking up calls.. **beep beep**.. saala kutta.. ** BEEP BEEP** iski.. to mein… $%$#$%^%$^$^…. PHEW…


i decided to get my phone recharged till i waited for kaalu.. i drove down to the mini market and got the recharge coupon. As I was leaving the shop,i felt a slap on my back.


"kaaaluuuuuuuuuuuu", i shouted.
yes, kaalu was at the mini market., he had seen me leave the house and had followed me to the market.

"kya haal hai bhai", he said as we hugged each other.

"good yaar, teri wait karte karte mein reharge karvaane aa gya", i told him. " chal, ghar chalte hain".

i got on my bike and he followed me in his 800. we reached home. i parked the bike and asked him, the usual question :" SAMAAN LAANA HAI YA FER LE K AAYA HAI".

He said," nai, i didn;t get any samaan"

I told him,"i have some STOCK left, so don;t worry"


He said, "nai.. i don;t need any.. i have QUIT"


SILENCEEEEEEEEEEEEEE..............................................................................

i felt a chill up my spine.... I noticed that I had the door handle in my hand and the door was half open. I waited for kaalu to finish his sentence….

MORE SILENCE.........................................................



"WHATTTTTTTTTTTTT???? You have done what????”, I asked.

“I have quit”, he said with a smile.

I felt the ground shaking, my legs went weak, I felt as if a thousand bullets had gone through my body, I felt as if MANN and PONDA were singing “QUIT PLAYING GAMES WITH MY HEART”. U know.. I FELT SICKKKKKKKKKKKKK..

“How the fuck can u quit”, I asked again.

“well its like this, I was sitting all alone on Christmas and decided to quit, and then I took a New Year’s resolution and it has been over a month now that I have QUIT.” He said.

I couldn’t believe it. KAALU of all the people. QUITTING. Just like that???

We went up to my room. I was still recovering from the shock. The guy was serious. He had really quit.

“you want a beer”, I asked. My mind was thinking maybe he has quit drinking too and I should have asked “do u want MILK???”

“ya sure”, he said. “I’ll have a beer”.
I breathed a sigh of relief.
I had some Heineken lying in the fridge (old diwali present) so I brought up 2 cans and gave one to him.
I took a big gulp to ease the pain. He took a sip.

“ you know I was gonna quit drinking too”, he said after his first sip.

My beer was stuck in my throat and I felt my breakfast trying to get out of my mouth.

“QUIT DRINKING???” I asked him.
He said “ya, I was thinking about it”. He smiled.

I could not believe the person sitting in front of me. KAALU, a member of the BHORU CLUB had actually quit and was planning to go sober now? And on top of that he was smiling and saying all of this.
I would have broken his teeth there and then.

I had a distant vision of all of us having a reunion party, me, karan, nanda, jassi, mann, ponda and kaalu. We all had beers in our hands and kaalu was holding a MILK/JUICE.
What would kaalu do at our parties now? CHECK THE BILL???
KAALU WAS BECOMING A GIRL……………. (“_)


I laughed nervously at the thought and took another big gulp. We finished our beers quickly.

“listen, lets go to 17, see some chicks”, I suggested thinking that it may ease his thought process as well. “ and then we can go to HIMANI for some drinks later”. I half expected him to BITCH SLAP me.

“haan haan. Lets go” he said. THANKFULLY.

We went 17, lazed around. Roamed here and there. Say some showrooms on sale. (JASSI, pepe jeans has 40% off.) (“_)

we came to 35 and went to HIMANI’s.

HIMANI, memories flooding in. Himani, THE PUB, was our hangout ever since we had started drinking. Me and karan had discovered it way back when we were in class 12th and soon to join were nanda & Jassi. We had countless parties there, burned our precious BRAIN CELLS. It was our drinking paradise. The Blue lights, the bean bags, the same waiter greeting us since 2000. Yes, we owned this place.

Kaalu and me took a table near the big LCD screen.

“what’ll u have? Beer ??”I asked.
“beer continue karte hain”, he said. “oh and one more thing”.

“what now??”, I asked.

“I WILL ONLY HAVE VEG FOOD”, he said.

SILENCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE………………………………………………………………….

"WHATTTTTTTTTTTTT???? You will have what????”, I asked.

“VEG FOOD. No NON VEG for me”, he said.

I felt the ground shaking, my legs went weak, I felt as if a thousand bullets had gone through my body, I felt as if MANN and PONDA were ……………………………………

U know.. I FELT SICKKKKKKKKKKKKK.. (AGAIN)


“kaalu, how can u do this to me”. I shouted.

“nai yaar, only VEG.” he said.


I looked back at all the years we had spent together, the birthdays, the parties, the kaimbwala nights, nights on my roof. The chickens we had eaten in all these places.
I was going to cry.

“are baat maan, order veg.”

The menu was shaking in my hand when the waiter came.

“1 pitcher of STRONG BEER ( kaalu suggested light), FRENCH FRIES and CHEESE CHILLY”.
Yes.. that was our menu. I felt like I was sitting with my MOM.

We finished our beers. Kaalu drank only 4 glasses, he though the might VOMIT.
“Can’t drink more now”, he said.

I ended up finishing the pitcher.

Kaalu dropped me home.



I sat on my bike as kaalu had left me. I dinlt know what to make out of this day and this meeting with kaalu. What is happening to him.
What is happening to all of us?
I didn’t realize that we had reached this stage that we will be quitting and not having fun like old times. Has the gap of all these years and all these kilometers finally caught up with us?

What will now become of THE BHORU CLUB with one of its top members behaving like this. All of a sudden. Is this the BITTER reality that we all have to face??

KAALU HAS
1)QUIT SMOKIN
2)BECOME A VEGGI
3)HIS CAPACITY IS 4 MUGS ONLY..


IS THIS WHAT WE ALL WILL EVENTUALLY BECOME???

I knew the answer to my question. But I refused to listen to it.


I was disturbed.
I came online to check my mail. Saw nanda there. Told him the story in brief.

“put it up online” , nanda said.

Good idea. Let the world known on how our friend had changed from a dick to a pussy.
HA HA HA..



SO HERE IT IS.. ALL WHAT HAPPENED TO ME.. I was feeling sad on going to Hyderabad. But if I have to live with this…………………………………………. I AM READY TO GO…


Cheers…!!!

Boycott SANJAY CHAUHAN "KAALU" ("_)

BOYCOTT SANJAY CHAUHAN....

HE HAS

1) QUIT SMOKING.

2) TURNED VEGETARIAN.

3) HIS BEER CAPACITY IS ABOUT 4 MUGS...

for the full story... wait till tomorrow....

BALLI...

The Best Song Dedicated Only To Bhoru's ("_)

Follow This Link To Listen To The Maestro..........................


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59s7IlqDyf0